The Troubles of Love
by l3xiquinnsegsy
Summary: "No. I don't want to hear your excuses or your apologies or that you're sorry. You won, okay? You did the impossible and made me love you. Happy!"And with that I stormed off. He wouldn't get to see my tears again.LilyxJames Complete
1. Chapter 1

**New story idea I got the other day. It started out as a oneshot, but I felt like Lily gave into James too quickly, so I extended it, and now it's going to be a multi-chapter fic til I figure out how long I want to go with it. Shouldn't be too long.**

**Read and Review please! I always love the feedback!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, JK Rowling does. **

Lily POV

He loved me. At least, that's what he told me. Every day, sometimes every hour since our fourth year he told me that he loved me. That he cared for me. That he would do anything for a date with the notorious Lily Evans. And of course, I didn't believe him.

He said that he cared, that he wanted me, that he wanted to make me his. But he acted like it was a game and the professions of love, well, I brushed them aside in my mind. It had to be a joke. The famous and ever attractive James Potter could have any girl that he wanted. Except for me.

So you see, I thought it was a game to him. I thought that he liked to see me riled up and fuming, because he could get that reaction out of me. Even if it was negative he created a fiery passion between the two of us.

But then he began to change. He stopped with the outgoing and embarrasing flirting, stopped putting the spotlight on us in public. He stopped preying on the weak for a laugh and began assisting those in need. He let me see the true James instead of the Potter that I loathed. He told me that he had seen an error in his ways and that he wanted to change.

And I believed him.

I let him take a hold in my life, and like the roots of a tree, our friendship grew and took hold. He became a center part of my life, something I depended on. In the past, I had been missing something to tie me down, and I found that anchor in him. I woke up with a smile on my face, and my day could be made instantly with a single look from him. My spirits soared when we embraced, and when we kissed sparks flew behind my eyes. And finally, I loved him too.

I loved him, but I guess that wasn't enough. Though he had told me that he truly loved me for years, in his mind I must have fallen from true love to conquest as soon as he had me, because his attention and his lips strayed, and I was forgotten.

Cast out by the person who told me that they loved me. Who I had finally loved back.

And suddenly I fell from someone filled with life to someone filled with longing and regret. I should have seen the way that his eyes had traveled and let him know that I was there and that I wanted him. I should have told him that depths of my feelings and begged him to stay.

In a mere few months I had gone from independent Lily with a crush to empty-shell Lily with a broken heart, and no one to fill the hole.

And with the hole unplugged, I fell down and couldn't muster the strength to climb back up. 

He found me one of the worst days, out by the tree where we had spent so much time together. His footsteps were quite and his breath was even, easily masked my erratic sobs and heaving breaths.

His hands slipped to my back and to my hair, rubbing in soothing circles as he murmured calming words to my ears, which betrayed me and began to listen.

But it couldn't happen again, he couldn't have me back after all that he had done.

Standing in the common room kissing his new choice of the week in front of the table where I wrote my potions essay.

Flicking pieces of paper at my head in transfiguration reading "I never cared" and "I didn't think you'd fall so quickly".

Asking me if I'd like another go at being on of "Potter's Fangirls".

Leaving me, the worst one of all. Letting me believe that I meant something, that I wasn't just a game to play or another pretty face to be used. Making me love him and then laughing in my face about his ability to really, finally, have any girl he wanted.

He tears me out of my thoughts then, asking me why I had been crying, and what was so wrong to make me act this way.

"You", I said.

And when his faced adopted a puzzled and confused look I was quick to add...

"For letting me believe that I was special. For making me love you and then leaving me."

He looked down at me then, his face a mixture of anger and sorrow.

"Lily…" he started, but I couldn't let him finish. I couldn't let him get one word in edgewise, because I knew that if I did, I would let him back in without a second thought, and I couldn't do that to myself again.

"No. I don't want to hear your excuses or your apologies or that you're sorry. You won, okay? You did the impossible and made me love you. Happy?"

And with that I stormed off. He wouldn't get to see my tears again, especially ones that were caused by him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP, JK Rowling does *looks away wistfully* **

James POV

I stood frozen next to the tree for what seemed like ages, watching her sprint back up to the castle, red hair whipping angrily in the wind. If I strained my ears I could just make out the sound of sobs that followed her up to the entrance way. Hardly believing what had just occurred, I slid down onto one of the roots attempting to organize my thoughts.

Lily loved me. . . . what?

That couldn't possibly be true. After all it was just a few weeks ago that Sirius had told me about Lily's little plan to break me and my heart. He had heard Alice and Mary talking in the common room, whispering about the girl who had finally decided to take on the challenge of James Potter from the inside, knowing just how desperate he was to get a date with her.

I had been furious when I had heard, immediately doubting Sirius' ears, or the girls' information. But finally I had been forced to admit that it had to be true. How could Lily have finally fallen for me? It didn't make sense.

They had only developed a friendship, and then suddenly she had been ready to accept my offers to Hogsmead and had soon become my girlfriend.

The only explanation was a bet of some kind, that she could tame the wild James Potter. That was at least what the Marauders and I had come up with, and though I still knew that my feelings for Lily were stronger than anything I had ever felt for a girl, I began to let my eyes wander when I was with her, looking for someone who would be able to numb the pain of the heart break Lily was sure to cause.

The breaking point came after an excursion to the library. Lily, unaware of my presence in the stacks of transfiguration texts, was going on and on to Alice about how wonderful I had become, how much I had changed since the beginning of the year, and even more since the beginning of our relationship.

I couldn't bear it anymore. Here was the love of my life gloating to her best friend about changing me, while I watched on. There was only one thing that could be done at that point….

…when Lily found Marlene and I in the broom closet during her Prefect duties, I expected her to be more relieved, or at least angry that she hadn't been able to win whatever bet she had made about me. But all she had done was deduct house points, tell me that we were no longer a couple, and storm back towards Gryffindor Tower.

By the time I returned later, she was curled up in a chair by the fire. The moment I walked in she proceeded to throw her book at me, began to cry in earnest, and ran up to the dormitory.

These actions puzzled me the most, and I began to question my actions. Her behavior seemed to show real hurt, like she had possessed real feelings for me….

The silence from Lily over the next few weeks quickly erased any doubt in my mind that the whole thing had been a joke for her. She didn't talk to me in the halls, refused to work with me in classes, and began to pick fights again with me as if nothing had ever happened.

Though after a week or two the fighting stopped all together, and she made it a point not to be near me at all, almost as if my presence brought her pain.

And a Lily in pain almost certainly meant problems for whoever had caused it, which was what had lead me out to the stupid tree in the first place. She had skipped lunch entirely, which was not like her at all. When I had finally found her, she had been too absorbed in her sorrows to hear me approach, which I took as a good sign. But what she had said to me was not what I expected, which brought me back to my current dilemma.

Lily.

In love with me, James Potter. I couldn't believe it, but no one was that good of an actor. No one could pretend to be in so much pain as Lily's face betrayed she was in. And I had caused her that pain.

Me, the one person who was supposed to take care of her. But no, I blew my chance with her, once again, but on a larger magnitude than ever before. Lily had fallen in love with me, and I had ruined it.

But she did have feelings still, that much was clear. I would just have had to muster up the strength to endure one of Lily's tirades and tell her just how much of an idiot I had been in the past month or so.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3! Been trying to write/update as fast as possible, knowing how annoying it is when the stories I follow don't get updated for months. **

**Thanks for the follows and reviews, love it! SO much! You guys are great! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, I just like to write about it, a lot :D Everything belongs to JK Rowling, and it's gonna stay that way. **

Lily POV

I continued to run until James was well out of my site, but suddenly just putting a few hundred feet between us didn't seem as helpful as it had originally. I wanted to put enough space between us so that he wouldn't be able to find me anytime soon.

I ran as fast as I could manage without knocking down curious first years, sprinted up the various moving staircases, and finally found myself in total solitude on the top of the Astronomy Tower, where I finally let my feelings escape.

The look on his face when I told him that I had cared about him, that I loved him, it looked as if it was angry. But why would he be angry? It couldn't be anything I had done. He was the one who had let our relationship die, thrown aside for a fun night in a broom closet. And just after I had been telling Alice about how wonderful he had been to me this year.

I thought our relationship would have meant something more. After avoiding the rumors that I had just been using him, it seemed that there would be nothing that could stop the wonderful times we were having. I had imagined myself being with him for as long as he would have me, which evidently, wasn't long at all.

The tears flowed freely now, cascading down my face, staining my t-shirt with drops tainted with love, sadness, and disappointment. This was the most I had let myself go since the passing of my parents. I even then I had held a strong composure in public, not letting people see how much it got to me. Strong face forward, always.

But right now, I could care less whether or not anyone saw me. This heart break wasn't something that I could just sweep under a carpet and cry about in the confines of my room. No, everyone knew about this, everyone knew my public humiliation and the cause of my sorrows. I didn't care if anyone saw me in this pitiful state, I was too far gone to care that much.

Of course, as soon as my mind acknowledged this, I heard footsteps coming up to the top of the Astronomy Tower. I put my head down, hoping to Merlin that it wasn't James or any of the Marauders. But I guess the universe decided to out-do itself, and a few moments later James' head poked timidly through the door, obviously slowed and cautious by the sound of my tears.

"Lily," he murmured quietly, as if he was afraid that a loud noise would scare me away. "Lily, shush, please don't cry, love."

I looked up at him through a curtain of hair, still crying, challenging him to say it again. When he opened his mouth, I pushed my hair back, unleashed one of my famous glares at him, let it sit in for a moment, and then got up to leave. Being comforted by the person who had caused my problems was not really what I had in mind for the rest of my night.

He didn't move to stop me, but as I passed him on my way out of the door he suddenly grabbed my wrist, pulling me to face him.

"Lily….Lils please listen to me. I know I must be the last person you want to talk to right now, but I have to get this out. But please, Lily, just listen to me for a moment, yeah?"

He looked at me pleadingly, and for some reason, some strange uncalled-for reason, I sat down on the floor of the tower, nodding my head in a signal for him to continue.

He joined me on the floor and resumed his speech.

"I've been a real prat to you for the last month. Beyond awful in every way and I know that maybe that's forgivable, but what I did to you was unforgivable. I listened to petty gossip, twisted words that people had said, and went running off as always, acting before I even knew what was going on, and I'm so very sorry for that Lily."

He noticed my confusion then, continuing to explain exactly what had caused his behavior.

"Sirius heard Alice and Mary talking in the common room. They thought that you were leading me on or something, trying to see if you could _"tame"_ the notorious James Potter, so he told me that you were using me. I didn't really believe that you had finally fallen for me, so I believed him, even thought that you had a bet about me or something."

James' face had taken the appearance of a person guilty and embarrassed, and I swear he muttered something like "_stupidest thing I've ever done, bloody idiot_". But before I had time to ask, he continued.

"And then I heard you and Alice talking in the library about how much I had changed since the start of the year, and I, I guess I just snapped. You were probably talking about how I was trying to mature to be with you, but I thought that you were using that to prove your bet or something stupid like that. Can't believe that you'd be that cruel, but I just couldn't figure that you would fall for me after all this time. So when Marlene hit on me that night I decided to get a bit of revenge, if you will. Show you that you didn't own me, try to make it look like I cared less than I did. Course that got me nowhere. I lost you, hurt you, left myself alone, and probably ruined any chance I'll ever have with you. But yea, that's what I did. And I'm so sorry for everything. I'm an idiot, and this all might be for nothing, because I know I wouldn't want to forgive me, but please Lily, I can't live with myself knowing that you're in pain because of my screw up."

After a few moments of silence, I realized that he was finally done with the tale of James Potter's Biggest Screw Up Ever, as I had named it upon hearing his story of assumption and miscommunication; mostly in the department of acting without ever asking his girlfriend if what he was thinking was true or not.

But now that he had finished, I realized that he would want an answer. So occupied with listening, I hadn't even begun to think about my response.

On one hand, I was relieved to find out that James did have feelings for me and that I hadn't done anything to drive him away. No, our relationship train-wreck was the product of petty gossip, uninformed girlfriends, and insecure teenage boys. Still, he hadn't said anything about loving me, which was my biggest problem. He had told me thousands of times before we started dating, but as soon as my first "yes" the "I love yous" had stopped. It seemed as if he was afraid of scaring me away, which I could understand, but now he knew that I loved him, I had told him a little over an hour ago. That excuse wasn't valid anymore, so he must not feel the same way, but I would still have to ask. Assuming feelings was what got us in this mess in the first place.

I made my face as cleared and steady as I could. If he didn't love me, I couldn't let myself show him how much that hurt. But if he did, if he did, then maybe his apology wouldn't be for nothing after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Finally chapter 4! Sorry for the wait guys, got hit with some severe writers block with a side of "the-play-I'm-in-was-in-hell week-and-I-had-no-time-to-write"…so yea. Hope you all like it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP. A duh. **

Previously…..

I made my face as cleared and steady as I could. If he didn't love me, I couldn't let myself show him how much that hurt. But if he did, if he did, then maybe his apology wouldn't be for nothing after all…..

**James POV**

…bollocks. Damn. Curse it to Godric she wasn't answering, hardly even acknowledging me, her face pulled back into a mask free of emotion. Normally, when I did anything to anger her, she unleashed all of her fury not holding anything back. But now….now she just looked like she was trying not to cry. And that was not to be tolerated.

"Lily…" I tentatively tried, hoping not to spook her away, but to call her back from whatever reserved state she was in.

She turned towards me then, as if bracing herself for something.

"Lily I…."

"James," she interrupted, a cautious look fleeting across her face. "James I can forgive you for, for what you did. Yes, you should have talked to me before doing something that unbelievably stupid, but what matters is that you talked to me now and we can move past this."

"That's….really….what….Lily that's great, thank you, I never wanted to hurt you babe and now…" I cut off when I saw the look on her face. It looked like she was about to tell me my favorite pet had died or something and I immediately knew that something else was coming, something that she was sure that I wouldn't like. At all.

She looked down at her feet as she continued. "This, this is wonderful and I really care for you but…"

"_Don't say it" _I pleaded in my head.

"….I think that, given the climate around us and the certain events that have occurred..."

"_Please don't Lily. I can protect you from our war-ridden 'climate' and I will work endlessly to make it up to you for being such a git" _

"…that we shouldn't purse this relationship anymore."

A lengthy silence followed that statement, filling the air around them, making the room feel increasingly smaller. The tension flowing between the two did nothing but increase the sudden serious tone the conversation seemed to take.

And suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. I struggled to remain calm as I answered.

"No."

Her eyes snapped up at me, assessing the situation before responding.

"James you don't understand, this doesn't work for me anymore. I can't do this." She sank down even further into the ground then, looking suddenly defeated, as if saying these things were taking an immense toll on her.

"I won't accept that Lily. I can't accept that. I have apologized, bared my soul to you, made you understand what happened, and all you can say is that it won't work anymore? Merlin Lily, I thought you were braver and more understanding than that!"

This might not have been the best thing to say, but comments like those normally got a rise out of Lily, and I needed her to lose that mask of defiance and to show me what she was really feeling.

Lily, true to her nature, responded with more emotion than she had shown since I finished explaining my faults in our situation.

"Don't. You. Dare tell me that I'm not brave James Potter!" she screamed at him. "You have no idea how much pain you've caused me, even now, so just stop making a fool of yourself and let me go!"

Though her ranting probably continued, I had zoned out after "…_how much pain you've caused me, even now…"_ had left her lips. I was still hurting her? This was most likely the reason that she was still hesitant to resume their relationship, so without another thought he reached out and grabbed her arms, effectively shaking her out of her ramblings.

"Lily. Hush. Listen to me love. Tell me what's really going on here. And none of that nonsense you've been spewing, I know there's something else wrong. Please tell me. If it was something I did I promise you I'll fix it."

Lily just shook her head in the universal sign for 'no', so I tried again.

"Something I said then?"

Seeing a slight head nod from her, I went to press on, but was stopped by a quick shake of the head, again indicating no.

I was about to press for more answers when I heard her mumble "It's not something you said, it's something you didn't." Before I could fully process what she meant, she completely lost her resolve to remain emotionless and crumbled into a ball, sobs jerking her body, held up only by my hands, which were still around her arms.

"Lily," I whispered into her ear while turning her around so that I could lean her against my body and not worry about letting her fall over.

"Lily please tell me what happened. I can't bear to see you like this."

She turned her head into my chest, obstructing my view of her face as she said something into my jumper that I failed to hear.

"One more time, love. I can't hear what you're saying."

Calming her sobs, Lily looked up at me, and said the three words that shocked me to the core. I never thought I'd hear them, but, here they were. But so soon followed by one of the most false statements I had ever heard. This had to be fixed, now.

"I love you. But, James, we can't be together if you don't love me back, and judging on how you treated me over the last few weeks, you don't."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter of James or Lily or anything in this story. I'm sure these words even belong to someone else but hey, I'm bored and I want to write(; **

**A/N: While writing this chapter, I finally figured out where I really want to go with this story! ALSO! I apologize for the shortness of most of the chapters thus far. Not really knowing where I was going to end the story didn't help, but now that I know, I'm hoping to get the chapters much longer in length for all of you wonderful readers! If you enjoy what you're reading, please please please read and review! **

**Lily POV **

There. I said it. Told him I loved him. Finally he would understand that I couldn't take being with him if he didn't love me. I looked up at him, trying to read his reactions. He looked excited for a moment, then confused, possibly hurt, and then finally determined. Before I could speak, he grabbed my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him.

He lowered his head to be level with mine, searching my eyes with his piercing orbs. Titling my head up with a gentle hand placed on the bottom of my chin, he brought his lips to mine, capturing them in quick kiss before drawing back.

"I…" he started, before taking my lips again, moving over them with a bit longer than the first kiss.

"Love…" he continued, lingering a bit more this time, caressing my face with a gentle touch while pulling back a bit to nip on my bottom kip.

"You…" he finished, leaning into me with a new passion, drawing me into his body, letting his practiced tongue glide over my lips before slipping it into my mouth, dancing with around with a practiced skill that made me instantly melt.

Wait. What? _Instantly melting? _Into the boy…no man…that had broken my heart? Yes, I had been hoping that once I told him that I loved him, he would confess his own feelings and we would be able to resume our relationship. But was it even possible for us to be the same. I told him that I could forgive him, but that did not mean that I could forget what he had done.

Who goes off and kisses a random girl in a broom closet after they think their girlfriend has manipulating them, without feeling very guilty, if they love their girlfriend? The longer I pondered it, the more it didn't make sense to me. Not his actions, I didn't think that he would lie to me about that. James was a very passionate person who was known for rash decisions.

No, it was his professions of love that didn't make sense to me. While James could be an annoying prat, he did have a conscious and a heart. It simply didn't add up that he would have thought so little about my feelings while attempting to get back at me no matter how mad he was. Throughout the years, when he tormented me, he had never really crossed the line from joking insulting to full out malicious, planned hurt.

It took me about ten seconds to go through that thought process. Finally reaching my decision, I surfaced for air, pulling back from James and putting space between the two of us in a matter of seconds. Looking at his face, a mixture of hope and confusion, I almost wavered, but I knew that I would have to stay strong while I told him what I needed him to hear.

"James, James listen to me. I'm happy that you love me. It's something that I've wanted ever since we got together. But I just, I don't think you really feel that way. You hurt me, and I know that you've apologized and that I accepted, but I cannot help but think that you're imagining things. I want you back so badly, but the way you so easily went to get revenge on what you thought was happening, it's not like you.

I think we had a real good run with this. Maybe someday we could talk about this again, but right now, I don't think I can trust you, or your feelings."

I waited for my words to set in and for the shouting to start. It was a complete surprise to hear only a dejected whisper come from James.

"You really think that Lily?" he asked. "You really think that my feelings are just something that I think I should feel to get you back? Lily I was angry, more so than I think I've ever been, and I acted like a fool. But that's it Lils. You forgiving me gave me hope for at least friendship, and then when you told me you loved me I thought that we could have the relationship I've always wanted with you. And now you tell me that my feelings aren't real? You have to trust me on this Lily."

"Trusting you was what got us into this mess in the first place," I said in response, and then moved to get up and leave the tower before he could see how much this really was affecting me. If I was to move on he could not know how much I wanted to succumb to his words.

He grabbed my arm before I could move too far away from him. "You know I won't give up on you, right? You're going to trust me again, I can promise you that."

The longing in his voice was apparent, but I was sure that he had finally picked a challenge that he couldn't achieve.

"You can try." And with that I wrenched my arm from his grasp and practically ran from the tower. Slowing down a bit on the stairs so I didn't trip and fall down the long spiral, I willed myself to think of anything but the conversation I had just ended. Tears could wait until I reached my dorm room. Thankful that Head Girls had separate living quarters than the rest of the seventh-year Gryffindors, I whispered my password to the old painting as I reached it and slipped into the small common room that lead to the private bed room and bathroom I was allowed.

Staying strong? Maybe in front of James I found it necessary, but in the confines of my private space, crying was completely allowable.

And even though I had told him and myself that I wouldn't be ready to trust him for a long time, I silently hoped that he was very committed to his promise to win my trust back. With that thought, I fell into a wrestles slumber, waking a few times on the somewhat lumpy couch to roll over and find a new position for rest. After the third time I woke up, I decided to just head to the library and start a few of my essays for class. Getting my head out the clouds and not focusing on James would be the best bet. I grabbed my books from the table next to the couch and walked quickly to the portrait exit.

Leaving the room in such a hurry, I almost missed the small flower on the ground outside the portrait. The red rose could only be from one person.

"_I hope this isn't all he plans on doing,_" I thought as I picked up the delicate flower. Even if I didn't think James was completely sincere about loving me, it didn't diminish my own feelings for him. If he planned to regain my trust, then hopefully he would do it in such a way that I could be with him again.

Until then, sulking in the library with a broken heart would most likely be the extent of my social life.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: AHHH 10 reviews! Thanks guys, that is so supermegafoxyawesomehot. I did a little happy-excited dance reading them. Remember to read and review lovelies! **

**ANY FUN THINGS YOU WANT JAMES TO DO TO GET LILY BACK? Mention it in a review and I might just write it into the story(: **

**I don't own Harry Potter. Didn't last chapter either. Or the one before that. **

**James POV **

"_At least she took the rose," _I thought to myself as I watched Lily disappear around the corner. She would have no doubts about who it was from, so at least she hadn't totally written me off. For someone who was supposed to be extremely adamant about not trusting me and us not being together she seemed pretty accepting of the situation.

But the situation wouldn't be solved with roses and little poems. No, with my awful judgment I had completely destroyed Lily's trust in me. Yes, she took the rose, but that meant nothing in the long run. Honestly, I had decided on the rose as a tester. If she didn't shred the flower on the spot then she would be more receptive to my bigger and better stunts…when I figured out what those were. Lily deserved something special; something that made her feel better, made me l like an idiot, and showed her how much I was willing to do for her. There was only one person I knew who could come up with something that crazy and chaotic….Sirius Black.

It took me the entire walk back to the dorm to come up with what I wanted to say. I figured that '_hey mate so um I might have screwed up everything will Lily and I blame you a bit so you're gonna help me fix it' _wasn't going to cut it. Groveling would more likely cut it…and maybe a Firewhiskey or two…but a drunken Sirius might be less helpful than a sober one, so that idea would have to go. Maybe a guilt trip? Er…not likely. He would hold that over my head for weeks if not months. No, direct would be the way to go in this situation.

Finally reaching the Gryffindor common room, I muttered the password, stalked across the room, and practically sprinted up the steps to the seventh-year boys' dorm. Knocking wasn't necessary; nothing going on inside would be any more scarring than the things I had witnessed with them over the years. Opening the door quietly, I observed the room, gaining a bit more of the composure I had lost during the talk with Lily, basking in the familiarity of the scene before me.

My eyes went to Peter first, lying on his bed with a Transfiguration textbook cracked open, the normal look of confusion etched upon his features. Remus' bed was next. He had an essay unrolled in front of him, seemingly set upon revising, but distracted by the box of Cauldron Cakes and Chocolate Frogs opened in front of him. Chocolate and sweets were Moony's weakness, no matter how important his homework was to him. Finally I got to Sirius, who unsurprisingly was not doing anything school related, rather watching the Marauders'' Map and reading a Muggle magazine about motor-bikes.

Feeling a bit better, I moved further into the room, effectively making my presence known. Being an animagus does that to a person. Heightened senses were normal for us. Within seconds three pairs of eyes were fixed on me, large smiles following immediately after.

Sirius was the first one to speak. "Prongs, mate, I was beginning to worry. Moony and Wormtail are being right prats doing schoolwork and Moony won't share his chocolate with me."

Remus looked up at that. "You know chocolate kills dogs, right Padfoot? Can never be too careful with these things."

"Oh shove it. Wormy would share with me, wouldn't you Worms?"

Peter peered over his book to mumble "Not getting involved…" before going back trying to understand the Transfiguration text.

Sirius stuck his tongue out at Peter before turning to me, obviously ready to launch into another round of _"James, Moony-is-being-mean-to-me-fix-it"_, but Lily was more important than defending Sirius' pride at this point.

"Yes, Pads, I know, Moony is much smarter than you and therefore you lose your arguments with him. It does happen."

"Hey! That does not happe…"

"I'm not done Sirius. I need to talk with you lot, wrack your brains for a bit brilliant inspiration…girl-wooing inspiration."

I was met with three looks of confusion, before Remus finally caught on to what I was implying.

"You prat, you went to see Lily didn't you?"

My guilty look was enough for Moony, and he continued with his patronizing rant.

"Idiot, I told you not to listen to Sirius in the first place, and what do you do? You go and fool around with some bloody girl who means nothing to you and ruin any chance with Lily. And then you realize how stupid you were and this time I think you might have gained a bit of your intelligence back when you come to me for advice. I told you to wait a bit and let all of her emotions cool off, and again, what do you do? You go to her only a few weeks later and probably say something just as stupid to her!"

He cut off then, still eyeing me with his disapproving stare.

"Are you done now?" I asked.

Obviously unsure of his ability to cease bashing my awful decisions, Remus only nodded, gesturing for me to continue.

"Thanks for that mate," I started. "I know how bloody stupid I've been, but you have to just listen to me. I don't think I'm as bad off as it seems."

Sirius laughed then. "Prongs, you broke the heart of the girl you've been after for years. Remember, the one who used to turn you down even if you weren't asking her out at the time. You really think you can get her to go out with you again after everything you did?"

I figured cutting to the chase would be the most effective in shutting off the stream of insults that were being thrown my way, so I dropped the verbal bomb.

Sucking in a quick breath, I said it. "She told me she loved me."

The talking ceased, quickly replaced with looks of shock and confusion.

"She WHAT?" Sirius practically screamed.

Wormtail looked as if he was choking on something; sputtering to get his words out.

Remus just stared at me as if all of the answers to the questions I knew he must have were written on my face. He was the first to say something on the matter that didn't involve yelling in shock.

"She loves you?" he asked. I nodded and he continued. "So then why do we need to help you 'woo' her if she still loves you? I don't think asking her out again would be a problem and….ahhh." He cut off then, looking at me with a mixture of pity and something that looked like amusement, but I don't know how he could find my dilemma funny at all.

"What is it Moony?" Sirius inquired. "What'd Jamesie do this time?"

"James screwed her over so badly that she won't trust him again I'm guessing, no matter how deep her feelings for him are," Remus said, looking at me for confirmation. When I nodded, Sirius rounded on me.

"You had to listen to me mate? Really? I have random conspiracies all the time about people and you just laugh and tell me to shut my mouth. But I hear one bit of stretched gossip about you and Lily and suddenly my word is fact? I love seeing you squirm but I do not love seeing you mope around like an injured puppy, and you do that when Lily rejects you. So fix this before I have to go beg her to take you back myself so you'll stop moping."

"I know I know I know Sirius. I was an idiot. Enough said. That's why I'm asking you three to help me. I told her that I'm going to win her trust back, and the only way I know how to do that without being boring is something large scale, like our pranks, but not as destructive. More like me making a fool of myself to show Lily that I'll do anything for her. Also maybe help with writing an endearing speech about how much I love her and why she should still trust me. Can you all help?"

Bracing myself for the proclamations of "no way" and "get her back yourself", I was delightfully surprised when the three best friends anyone could have came through.

"James," Sirius said, "of course we'll help with Lily. The gears are already going in my head. We'll have her back in a week tops."

Remus had a smirked expression when he added, "We'll help with anything you want James. Lily's my friend too, and I don't want to have to do prefect duty while listening to her complain about you."

Peter just offered me a small smile. "If she loves you this should be easy James," he said. "Then we can get back to wrecking normal havoc. Not girl-wooing havoc."

I smiled at all of them then, happy that I had friends like these to help me get Lily back.

Sirius leaned closer to me then. "Okay, this is what we'll start with."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **This chapter is completely dedicated **Ajremy9898 **for the fabulous suggestion concerning James' shenanigans. Thanks so much! (Some more of her great suggestions will be popping up in the next several chapters, so you all can thank her for curing my writer's block).

Got to 14 reviews last chapter, 12 favorites, and 40 story alerts. All you readers rock! Love you!

Remember to Read and Review, especially if you have any ideas for the story my lovelies.

**I've also had someone ask about doing fan-art for the story. If anyone wants to do some you don't have to ask, just go ahead! I know I do my fair share of fanfic inspired art, so by all means go ahead. Makes me happier than…like…anything. Yay. **

**Disclaimer: **Yea….um…still doesn't own HP. Unless someone wants to sell me James and Lily…maybe Draco and Hermione too? No, okay yea I'll just write now.

**Lily POV **

The week following my discussion with James in the Astronomy Tower passed very quietly, almost too quietly for my taste. Quiet when applied to the Marauders usually entailed a massive prank or some kind of stunt that would leave everyone desperately missing the peace that went on during their long hours of planning. The knowledge that one of their famous pranks was coming, coupled with the threat that James had left me with concerning winning back my trust, left me more than a bit jumpy, as if the Marauders were going to be behind every corner waiting for me.

Of course, this never actually happened, but being careful seemed only natural. However, as the week passed without a single event I began to relax my guard. This didn't come at a better time either. The library had seemed like the ideal spot for surprising me with an apology or idiotic message, so I hadn't been able to get much work done during any of my visits, leaving me with three essays, four chapters of reading, and one astronomy diagram to draw that had not yet been completed.

I knew that James would get to me at some point, so it seemed logical to forget all about him for a bit that Saturday afternoon and focus on my studies. If there was anything that I could never doubt it was my logic, so this helped draw my attention away from the _impending doom_, as I liked to call it, which would be his attempt at earning my trust.

It took me until about noon to finish the majority of my work. I considered finishing the last few chapters of reading I had and then taking my lunch in the kitchens at a later time, but I had done that just about every day during the last week in hopes of avoiding James, Sirius, Remus, or Peter during our lunch hour. If I was capable of doing my work without scanning the room ever few seconds then it was perfectly fine for me to just go down to the Great Hall and eat my lunch.

'_If nothing has happened yet,'_ I thought to myself_, 'then maybe nothing will. Perhaps he's decided to do something on a smaller scale so not to embarrass me.' _

I sat down at the Gryffindor table and immediately began pilling food onto my plate. I guess the mashed potatoes looked particularly good in that moment because while looking at them, I failed to notice the sudden silence that the Great Hall had adopted. Reaching for the bowl of carrots, I noticed a group of second years sitting a few seats down from me who had suddenly become very interested in staring at me. Thinking at I had something caught in my hair, I lifted my hand to smooth down my fiery locks. It was then that I saw it.

Conjured only moments ago, for I had not seen it when I walked in, was a message hanging in the air between the floating candles that graced the ceiling in the Great Hall. Written in a familiar script were the words:

James Potter is a fool for Lily Evans. And he loves her. Really he does.

Though it was slightly mortifying to have every eye in the hall on me, it was somewhat of a relief to know what James' 'trust gaining stunt' was. It was also a blessing that this was all that it involved….

…as if that was some kind of signal, that thought of thank Merlin this is all he's doing, lover boy himself jumped onto the table, wand in hand. I could see him mutter something to himself, and then when he cleared his throat, the entire hall somehow heard the noise.

'_Sonorus charm,'_ I thought to myself. Oh could this get any better? Now the entire student body would be part of our conversation. Just what I wanted, for everyone to know my business.

"Can I have everyone's attention please?" James started. "Everyone? Lovely. Right, so about a month ago I was a total prat to the most wonderful girl in the world, Lily Evans. Does everyone know Lily?" He paused for a moment, scanned the table for where I was sitting, and quickly moved down the table to stand right in front of my plate. "This is Lily for any idiot that doesn't know. Now, yea, I was being a prat, and then I realized my prattish ways and went to apologize to the love of my life. But funny thing is, Lily doesn't trust my intentions anymore! So I told her, I'll make you trust me, my sweet Lily-Flower."

He looked down at me then. "Lily, I know that you love me and I know that I love you, and I need you to know that I really do love you so we can be together again. What person not consumed by love could stand up in front of this tough crowd and carry on and on about his love for a fabulous read head named Lily Evans? I'm willing to look like a fool in front of everyone so that you can know I will do anything to get you back. Trust me again Lily?"

I struggled to keep a smile on my face as I responded in a steely tone. "I can think of several people that can stand up in front a group and say ridiculous things that are most certainly not in love with me…or are you saying that Sirius is pinning for my affections as well?"

"Come on Lils can you blame him, everyone loves yo…."

I cut him off with a quick hand motion and pressed on. "Furthermore, I've seen you do things like this before that had nothing to do with your "love" for me. How would this be helpful getting my trust back if I've seen you do it countless times before on meaningless nonsense?"

James' smile faltered.

"I appreciate the effort, I know it's not every boy's cup of tea to confess emotions in front of other people, but I know you better than that James. It might help me realize how you feel, but this isn't something that puts you out of your comfort zone. You look like a fool every time you do one of your pranks. That's hardly something that makes me trust you to do anything for me." And with that I pushed out of the bench, grabbed my bag, and walked quickly out of the Great Hall, attempting to tune out the whispers that followed me.

"_Why couldn't he have just tried harder? He's making it so difficult for me to cave in."_

As I reached the corridor directly outside the Hall, my pace increased until I was back to the library. Leaving that sanctuary was one of the worst mistakes I had made all week.

.

.

.

The rest of the weekend passed with no more attempts from James. In fact, I hadn't seen him since the event in the Great Hall. His absence on Sunday wasn't that noticeable. Some days none of the Marauders would show for any of the meals. But when he wasn't present at breakfast on Monday I began to wonder about his whereabouts.

When he didn't show for Potions, my curiosity peaked, especially considering all three of his companions were present for the lesson. I held my tongue for the time being though. There was no reason for me to seem like I cared too much if James was sleeping in.

When he missed Transfiguration, his favorite class, I really did begin to worry. After the class had adjourned, I walked over to Remus before he could join his other comrades.

"Er…Remus?"

He turned around as he pulled the last of his parchment into his bag. "Yes Lily?"

"I was wondering where James was today. Have you seen him?"

Remus paused before he answered. "He's um, up in the dorm. I believe he was sleeping and listening to some of Sirius' records when I left for breakfast."

"Oh, is he sick?"

A clouded expression crossed his features before he responded. "In a way, I guess he is Lily."

"Has he visited the infirmary then?"

"It's not….really something that can be cured with potions, heart break." And with that final thought he turned and left me with my thoughts.

I had to find James.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: ** So this is the longest chapter so far. I just started writing and couldn't stop.

Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! I love all of you! We're at 18 at this point, so thank you so much all of you lovelies! Also, a thank you to the **14 of you who have added it to your favorites list and the 44 who are following this story. you guys rock.**

**James POV**

Getting out of bed seemed like a chore. Going to classes required too much effort for my taste. Even eating was a distracting nuisance now. The only thing I could think about was ache in my chest that seemed to increase every time I returned my attention to it.

The muggle contraption that Sirius had left out before he went to breakfast continued to play music. It was the only company I had now. Some Muggle band called _The White Stripes_ was sounding through the room now, singing some song called "Jolene" if the record case was correct. I hadn't really been paying attention, but a few spare lyrics caught my ear.

_ Your beauty is beyond compare_

_ With flaming locks of auburn hair _

_ With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green _

_ Your smile is like a breath of spring_

_ Your voice is soft like summer rain _

_ And I cannot compete with you, Jolene _

The song reminded me of Lily. Hell, everything reminded me of Lily at this point. Now, I wasn't competing with some girl named Jolene for a boy, but all of the other lyrics rained true. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, the only one that I had ever really bothered to pursue.

'_And now she's gone…_' I thought. I was so sure that she had wanted me to win her back. No, I was certain that she wanted me to. But I had gone for it…and had been denied. In front of the entire student body and most of the teachers no less. I had decided to go all out. Making myself look stupid for her to show that I would do anything to win her back seemed like a great idea at the time, until she had reminded me, plan already in action, that I did something this outlandish at least twice a week. And so did Sirius, even Remus or Peter would make complete fools of themselves on an off day.

How could I have been so stupid? The only thing that had been motivating me to work in class, finish homework, even eat lately, was the fact that Lily Evans was letting me court her and win her affection. And now that hope was dashed.

Maybe I was becoming a melodramatic prat, but I couldn't stop feeling like everything I had been doing for the past week, the past three or four years even, was for nothing. The worst part was that this time I had seen no hesitation or dismay as Lily had rejected me. It was only disappointment. What that meant, well bloody hell how was I supposed to know? Women were impossible to read. I liked to believe that the disappointment was there because she was disappointed in my attempt to woo her. But the pessimistic part of my brain, the dominant one currently, told me that she was just plain disappointed in me.

Of course, after our last miscommunication, I was hesitant to jump to any conclusions. The last time I had it resulted in this whole mess.

'_Hey, that must show that I've changed,'_ I thought to myself. '_Before this I wouldn't have thought twice about jumping out of this bed and confronting Lily. Now I'm just sitting in my bed, wallowing in my own misery, not doing much of anything.' _

I rolled over in my bed, contemplating on whether or not to change the record that Sirius had put in, when I heard the sound. Footsteps, pounding up the spiral staircase that led to the dorm my friends and I resided in. However, these footsteps were lighter than normal, and not quite as loud as any produced by someone who normally came up to the room.

Whoever it was paused outside the room, and then slowly turned the door handle. Preparing the speech about how sick I was for whatever Professor had decided to come and check on me, I turned towards the door…and swallowed down the "_I'm feeling quite sick_" that had been about to come up.

In my doorway was no Professor McGonagall…it was Lily Evans, heartbreaker extraordinaire, or love of my life? Maybe that was the melodramatic James talking...either way her entrance caused my heart to miss a beat and my insides to melt. If I had been standing I would have bet you ten Galleons that I would have collapsed in some way.

"James…?" She spoke quietly, as if she was afraid of scaring me away. Like that could ever happen…

"James can I come in?" she questioned, for I had showed no recognition to her first prompt. I nodded my head once and took a deep breath to calm down my erratic heart beats as she crossed the room and sat at the end of my bed. She looked at me as if she expected me to start the conversation, but when I didn't even move from my pillow, she inhaled…exhaled…and began to talk.

"So I noticed that you weren't in any classes or at breakfast…so I might have asked Remus if you were unwell…and he might have told me that you were up in bed with a heavy case of heartbreak…and he may have conveyed in no words at all that this is all my fault. And I got to thinking, that I might have been a bit harsh to you in my rather public rejection of your advances. So I've come to, first off, apologize for my actions the other morning."

I joined the conversation then. "No, Lily, I hadn't realized it then, but you were right. We've done things like that many times. It was stupid to think that just doing that would be all that I would need to get you back."

Lily nodded at this. "Right then, that's not the only reason I'm here though. You see, I wanted to check on you. This isn't the first time I've told you no, but I do believe this is the first time that you've taken to your bed for more than a day's time because of it. Are you alright?"

I took a moment before answering. I decided to tell her everything. This could be my last chance to sway Lily and earn her trust. I was someone who had no problem standing in front of a crowd and professing my love to someone, or even an opinion. But when it came to being overly affectionate and sharing my feelings, well that was a rare occurrence. The most it happened was when Sirius received another threatening and degrading letter from his family and he was in a talkative mood, needing to vent about his loveless childhood. But even those moments had disappeared over the last few years since he had run away and moved in with me. And the last time I had shared my feelings with a girl…well that was never unless you counted a few talks with my mother over the years. Yes, I was moving into unknown territory, and maybe that leap of faith would be enough to convince Lily that my feelings for her were true.

"I really…I just thought I would get you this time, ya know? I could see it in your eyes though, when you said no, that you were disappointed in what I had done as my stunt to get your trust back. And that just, it hit me that I might as well had done nothing, because you obviously weren't going to accept me back after I told you that I would get you back and then went and acted well…arrogant. And you've always hated when I acted arrogant.

Anyways, after you left the Hall, I just felt, like everything I had been trying to do for years was all over. Empty almost, if you know what I mean. And then I just fell into bed when we got back up here, and I haven't really been able to get back up since."

I looked up at her then. She wore one of the saddest expressions that I had seen grace her face, and I continued quickly, not wanting to seem too much of a baby for my actions.

"I know it's a bit dramatic or whatever but-"

Lily cut me off. "No, James it's not. I can…understand where you're coming from with this. I might not understand completely, but it makes more sense now. Thank you for telling me this. As for telling me what you're really feeling, well…James I can tell that, that wasn't easy for you, was it?"

I nodded. "I'm not really a…feelings person myself. I mean, I have them, lots of them as you can tell from my sulking, but I'm not really one to talk about them much. It's like, sharing something overly personal and that doesn't happen too much when your friends are teenage boys who feel just about the same way. I don't think I've ever really shared my feelings with a girl before, and nothing of this magnitude ever to anyone I think."

Lily locked her gaze onto mine, and then asked the question that I had been hoping she would ever since I decided to tell her the thoughts that were running through my head.

"James, if you've never shared something like this with anyone before, then why are you telling me? I am the cause of your troubles after all."

I sighed. "Because, Lily, because you deserve to know how you make me feel. You deserve to know that I would tell you anything you wanted, how I was really feeling, anytime you wanted. You deserve to see that I really will do anything for you before you make a decision about anything, because if you leave again, I'm not sure if I'll be able to open myself up to you again. You deserve to see this side of me before you leave for good and I don't get another chance to win back the trust I lost."

I looked up to hear a slight sniffle. Lily's eyes were a bit glossy, as if they were holding back a horde of tears that were just waiting to cascade down her cheeks. I sat up and took her hands into mine and gave them a small squeeze.

"I was listening to a song earlier, on Sirius' Muggle music machine. It reminded me of you, love."

She sniffled again, and I decided to go for it. Might as well make the most of this moment…soul bearing time could only last so long before Lily got up and left or one of my friends with an uncanny ability to ruin moments came into the dorm. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, reminded myself of the lyrics, and began to sing lightly, as to not disturb the moment with too loud of a noise.

"_Your beauty is beyond compare_

_ With flaming locks of auburn hair _

_ With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green _

_ Your smile is like a breath of spring_

_ Your voice is soft like summer rain" _

I remembered the last line, but it had nothing to do with Lily, so I quickly improvised another verse, and continued.

"_And without you I can't stand the pain" _

Lily's tears had escaped now, flowing down her face freely, for her hands were still trapped in mine. I released one, and raised my hand to wipe away a few tears, and let my hand stay resting on her face.

"I love you Lily. I honestly, truly, and in every way, love you."

She leaned in closer to me and put her free hand on my cheek, mirroring my own movements. We sat like that for a moment, neither one wanting to move from the position we were in. In that moment I felt more peaceful that I had in weeks, since I had caused the breakup actually.

Lily spoke first.

"James, thank you, thank you for telling me this." She paused for a moment to reign in a few more tears, and then continued. "It, it means a lot to me that you can tell me all of this. It means the world actually. I don't really know what you see in my, I don't seem that special in my mind, but for you, for you to see all of that and to be able to tell me, even after I was so awful to you."

She took a steadying breath before speaking again.

"Yes."

I looked at her, a bit confused now. "A yes to what, Lily?"

She smiled at me then, looking so beautiful, even with the tears that were still present on her cheeks.

"Yes to trusting you. Yes to loving you. Yes to being with you again."

I sucked in a breath of surprise. I hadn't really believed that she would…agree…still love me…this didn't seem-oh hell. Why should I question the very thing that I wanted to much to happen? Over thinking the situation could wait for a bit.

For now, capturing her smiling lips in an overdue kiss would have to do.

Oh yes, it would do quite well.

**A/N: I'm not really sure how far I want the story to go. A few weeks after, through some of the rest of the year, and epilogue with baby Harry or even their wedding? Any suggestions? Send me a message or leave it in your review. I love to hear from you all with your ideas!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I cannot thank all of you enough for reviewing, it really makes my life a bit happier. We reached 21 reviews, so thank you all so much. At this point, I'm going to keep up with the story, but the events will probably be more spaced out (**_**graduation possibly, the ride home on the Hogwarts Express, the wedding, some time with Harry, and I think I might write a death scene…I know…sad**_**) so if there is any event or idea anyone wants incorporated into the story just put it into a review or a PM. **

**Also, as I'm wrapping this up in the next few months, I'd like to just let all of you know that I do take story challenges or requests. In fact, I think that they're a lot of fun, so get those brains thinking. I have no problem branching out to different ships besides LilyxJames or different scenarios. Let me know!**

**Please Read and Review. Your reviews really encourage me to write a lot faster! **

**Lily POV **

When it came down to it, forgiving James had been easy. I had expected it to be something that I would do eventually, but after pondering it for a bit and making James promise me various things so that something like this would never happen again. But the moment he opened up to me in the dorm room, something changed. I really had never seen him that vulnerable, and knowing that I was the reason he was in that state broke down my defenses completely.

That was the moment I had been waiting for. The time when he would realize that I didn't need something flashy, I needed something that would show me that he was capable of letting me in and showing me that he actually cared. Saying it was one thing, showing me was another, and then singing it? Merlin I melted. I had actually heard the song before; my father was a _White Stripes_ fan. When he had started that verse I had inwardly cringed. The song was about competing with another girl after all, and I couldn't help but wonder if we was going for a "let's talk about my cheating to fix this" approach. But the lyrics took on a whole new meaning coming from James…being about me.

I had always seen myself as a pretty girl, but not someone overly attractive or beautiful even. To hear from James that I was beautiful beyond compare startled me. No one had ever expressed something like that to me before. I had heard that I was a freak from my non-supportive sister, that I was "wicked foxy" from a few boys after a few too many Butterbeers or a Firewhiskey, or that I was a vile Mudblood slag that didn't deserve to breathe the same air as whoever was making the comment. Beautiful was new territory. Beautiful made me light up inside and the walls crumbled further.

And then he had sealed the deal and told me that he loved me, his voice a bit cracked from the emotion that he obviously was uncomfortable with me seeing. But he chose to say it anyway, to let me see that he could be trusted, that he was sincere.

What else could a girl do at that point but say yes?

The kiss that had followed was long overdue, but I think it made it that more special. I certainly would remember it for a very long time. Of course, that could also be because of what had happened next…

…_I leaned into the kiss with a ferocity caused by the passion and tension that had been boiling between the two of us for over a month. Finally, everything was fixed, and I didn't need to think anymore. I didn't have to do anything besides enjoy James. Kiss James. Don't think, just do. _

_James reached forward and circled my waist with his muscled arms, pulling me forwards so that I was seated in his lap. Running my fingers through his hair, I moved my lips to place small nips down his jaw to the spot on his neck that when lightly sucked on caused him to hum with delighted pleasure. It had been too long. _

_He pulled his neck away from my eager lips after a moment, wishing to repay the favor. He lifted me off of his lap and pushed me down onto his stacked pillows for a bit more comfort. His arms slid from my lower back to my stomach, bunching my shirt a bit. I savored the feeling of his hands touching my skin as I-_

_The door flew open. _

"_James, have you seen that bloody essay I was writing it's due tomorrow and I can't seem to fi…" Remus cut off abruptly as he looked up for the first time since entering the room and took in the rather compromising position that the two of us were in, my look of utter embarrassment, and James' glare that could have killed if it had the power. "I'll just…er…leave now," he stuttered, backing towards the door. As he turned to leave, cheeks a bit pink, he froze. _

_James was halfway through his angry snort that was sure to have a snappy comment attached to it when he heard it as well. Heavy footsteps that sounded even closer than they must have been when Remus had first heard them. Before I had a chance to pull down my shirt a fix my hair to a "I-was-not-just-snogging-my-boyfriend-in-his-bed" state, the door flew open again and the other two Marauders tumbled through. _

_Sirius was a magnet for any kind of mayhem or embarrassing moments and had his eyes on us within a second of detecting the awkward silence in the room. Peter followed his gaze after a few more seconds, his face turning red in an instant. Sirius, of course, spoke first. _

"_Well Prongs, bout time you got around to getting a shag." _

I laughed even now at the memory. At the time I had been horrified and began sputtering things about how we had just been talking, though I had been cut off fairly quickly. After a quick and nondescript explanation about what happened to his friends, James had excused himself and we had gone down to the kitchens, his apatite suddenly back now that his heartbreak and sorrow has dissipated.

Of course after that, I had insisted that we go to class. There was no reason for us to be skiving off any more than we had already, seeing as that N.E.W.T.S were coming up in about a month at the time. James had laughed at that, but I was fairly certain during the next few weeks leading up to the exams he and the other Marauders were very happy to have my study techniques around and my diligent notes. Everyone had to study, even if they did have an enormous amount of natural talent. Peter probably benefitted from my study sessions the most.

The dreaded N.E.W.T.S eventually passed, and then we were rushing through graduation and packing up seven years of accumulated junk from under beds and finding lost textbooks that we had left in the Room of Hidden Things.

That was where I was presently, standing in front of the Room of Hidden Things, reminiscing about the seven years that I had spent at Hogwarts. A small cough from behind me stirred me from my thoughts.

"Something about the wall funny Evans?" James asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I turned my head and smiled up at him. "No, just…remembering."

"Remembering what, love?"

"This. The castle and all of the memories that I've had here. I never really fit in back home, you know? With Petunia and feeling like something was missing from my life, and then I end up here, with all of these people who are just like me. It's more of a home than any house I've lived in, and now, we're never coming back. It's…it's a lot to take in."

James leaned his head down onto my shoulder, turning so that his lips brushed against my exposed neck. "You know what I remember?"

I leaned into him, and shook my head, forgetting, or possibly not being able to access words for the time being. He felt my head's movement and continued.

"I remember the friendships I've made, the things I've learned, and the person who I finally got to love me."

I smiled at that.

"And even though it all started at Hogwarts, I know it's going to stay with me. This world isn't going to disappear from you after we leave Lily. You will still have your magic, your friends, and a place to stay here, where you belong. And you know what else you'll always have?"

"What James?"

He turned me around then and pulled my face up to his.

"Me."

With that statement, he claimed a few quick kisses before I impulsively pulled away to check the watch on my wrist. It wouldn't do for me to be late for the last Hogwarts Express ride I would ever get to experience.

I sighed, realizing that the time was moving steadily closer to our departure time and to my departure from the school. But James was right. As long as I held onto the things I had acquired here, I never really would feel alone again.

It took us about an hour to make it to the platform at Hogsmead. James and I had stopped at various places in the castle and on the grounds before taking one last look at Hogwarts and moving along the path to Hogsmead, trunks levitated in the air in front of us. I could feel tears prickling my eyes as I moved farther away from the castle, but I mentally told myself to hold them back until we reached the train and I could make an escape to the loo. James was good with many things; crying girls wasn't one of them.

As we approached the station, I took in my last look, at least for a while. I waved to Hagrid who was ushering first years onto the train, to McGonagall, who seeing off the group as the Head Boy and Girl were a bit too busy leaving, and to a few students who I knew I wouldn't get a chance to see again before they departed the platform in London.

I handed my trunk over to James who was loading his at the time. We would meet the rest of the Marauders in their compartment in the back of the train as soon as we could and James seemed to be on automatic pilot to reach them as fast as possible and spend their last few hours of Hogwarts together. I had asked if he wanted me to sit with a few friends to give them some "guy time" but he had refused, saying that this would be the only time that we could ride the Hogwarts Express as a couple, and he wanted to enjoy it.

He had pointedly winked at me after this statement, and as we had been doing last minute revising for N.E.W.T.S. at the time, he was smacked on the head by a year's worth of Transfiguration notes. He had just laughed and promised not to bring it up again, but I had gone on to allude that I wouldn't really mind if we took advantage of one of the empty carriages.

The other Marauders put a quick stop to that suggestion. They had decided that they would spend the ride home discussing their best pranks, playing Exploding Snap, and eating all of the food on the trolley. None of those things particularly bothered me, and it would be interesting to hear just how the four pulled off their pranks, so I decided that it would be a wonderful way to spend my last ride on the Express. Besides, it had James, his hilarious and kind, for the most part, friends, and food. Where else would I want to go?

When James and I located the compartment, a game of Snap had already broken out. I laughed as James complained to them about "_not being able to wait five seconds for anything you tosspots!"_

The ride passed quickly, even more so than other years. It might have been the nerves that had hit me as soon as we had pulled out of the Hogsmead station, but I decided that it was because of the family that I had now become a part of. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were some of the closets boys that I knew, more that brothers in a way. The fact that I was accepted here made me recall James' words yet again about how they would become my family in the Wizarding world. And in that moment, I believed him more than ever.


End file.
